A moment of thought...

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer -Psalm 19:14

Wow! Where does time go? Here I am at the end of July. I am nearing the end of my third pregnancy and trying hard to capture and forge into memory the amazing fact that a fully formed, precious child lay just below my heart. This child who I will soon know so fully... Soon I will struggle to remember how life was without her in it. I feel as if I have known my other two children my entire life. I can't remember not being able to hear their sweet voices or feeling their intense energy filling the house. They are truly an amazing blessing!

I feel like this summer has taken me a step backwards in my spiritual journey. Not that I cherish my Lord less, but I have been severely challenged in a personal relationship. I have struggled to admit my feelings and have chosen for the last several months to ignore my thoughts and remain somewhat blank. I suppose this reaction reverts to times in my history when it just seemed easier to not address the issue to myself in a feeble attempt to protect my pride. That despicable pride keeps creeping in to cause problems for me. In this case, after praying rather blandly initially, I found myself avoiding discussion with the Almighty. What! Why? As I examine my thoughts, I feel like I have finally, utterly failed at a relationship that I have spent my entire life trying to hold together. Maybe I am grieving? Regardless, my Lord keeps reminding me that He is with me at all times. Over the last few weeks, I have been challenged to think deeper and strengthen my prayer life. I must bring all to Him! I will regroup with myself and confide in the Lord who will never abandon me...no matter what...

I rejoice the new adventures in my life. I feel invigorated to be meeting new people and spending time with those who I have known and bring me joy. The future holds so much promise and laughter. New sweet voices to fill the voids and intermix with the many beautiful melodies of life. Thank-you, Lord, for never leaving me alone in my thoughts! I continue to fight the current in order to make it to the other side so I can walk with you.

Simple Joy!

Today my children humbled me once again...

Each came to the door with a large smile radiating their faces. I asked them what they were up to and they both, in a sing song manner, voiced "I love you, mommy"! From behind their backs came their grubby little hands, grasping all the marigolds, grass blooms, and tree blooms they could hold. My heart melted at the purity of their gesture. I immediately took their sweet offering and filled a vase with the assortment of "spring" blooms. Never have I beheld such a beautiful bouquet! The joy in their faces as I accepted their gift actually brought tears surging to my eyes. This precious moment in my day made everything right in the world.

Do you suppose the joy reflected in their pure faces is a glimpse of how God looks when we accept His gift of grace?

It's a GIRL!

Our newest addition to our family is going to be another little GIRL! We are thrilled with the fact that everything appears to be growing and functioning normally. She is measuring in at about 12 ounces with long legs (that's my girl). The Lord is good to us *sigh*. Braden and Rylee are happily digesting the fact that they are going to have another sister. Love to all!

Fetal Hand Grasp

This incredible picture of a 21-week old fetus reaching out of the womb and grasping the finger of his surgeon was sent to me in an e-mail. It was taken by a freelance photographer hired to take pictures for USA Today on an article about in-utero fetal surgery. The photographer's name is Michael Clancy. I encourage you to visit his website (http://www.michaelclancy.com/) to read the entire story behind and involving this photograph. It is surrounded by controversy due to it's evidence of an unborn child interacting. Prior to walking into the operating room and witnessing this amazing moment, Michael Clancy was a self-proclaimed pro-choice advocate...now he is a pro-life champion!

The story, as written by the man who took the picture:

As a veteran photojournalist in Nashville, Tennessee, I was hired by USA Today newspaper to photograph a spina bifida corrective surgical procedure. It was to be performed on a twenty-one week old fetus in utero at Vanderbilt University Medical Center. At that time, in 1999, twenty-one weeks in utero was the earliest that the surgical team would consider for surgery. The worst possible outcome would be that the surgery would cause premature delivery, and no child born earlier than twenty-three weeks had survived.
The tension could be felt in the operating room as the surgery began. A typical C-section incision was made to access the uterus, which was then lifted out and laid at the junction of the mother's thighs. The entire procedure would take place within the uterus, and no part of the child was to breach the surgical opening. During the procedure, the position of the fetus was adjusted by gently manipulating the outside of the uterus. The entire surgical procedure on the child was completed in 1 hour and thirteen minutes. When it was over, the surgical team breathed a sigh of relief, as did I.
As a doctor asked me what speed of film I was using, out of the corner of my eye I saw the uterus shake, but no one's hands were near it. It was shaking from within. Suddenly, an entire arm thrust out of the opening, then pulled back until just a little hand was showing. The doctor reached over and lifted the hand, which reacted and squeezed the doctor's finger. As if testing for strength, the doctor shook the tiny fist. Samuel held firm. I took the picture! Wow! It happened so fast that the nurse standing next to me asked, "What happened?" "The child reached out," I said. "Oh. They do that all the time," she responded.
The surgical opening to the uterus was closed and the uterus was then put back into the mother and the C-section opening was closed.
It was ten days before I knew if the picture was even in focus. To ensure no digital manipulation of images before they see them, USA Today requires that film be submitted unprocessed. When the photo editor finally phoned me he said, "It's the most incredible picture I've ever seen."

There is much more surrounding this amazing picture, as I have come to learn. I will let you conduct your own reasearch and make your own conclusions about the claims, facts, aftermath of this photo. Love to you in your journey...

Breaking Free!

Today I completed my second intense Bible Study by Beth Moore. Both studies have been more of a self discovery of Christ's love than simply a study of the Bible. I guess I'm learning that is actually what the Bible is...an accounting of just how deeply our Lord God loves each and every one of us. Very humbling considering the many things I have done in my life to try and be in control and frankly not need God. With this study, I have learned that many lies have been offered to me by the enemy. I, of course, fell for them hook, line, and sinker. Satan fights dirty and he knows how to hit upon insecurities and weakness to allow for the lies to sink deeper in the form of captivating thoughts. Through this study and reading God's word, I am able to understand this bondage and how it affects my relationship with the Lord. I no longer want to be a prisoner. I want liberty in Christ!

I would like to share a prayer with you that Beth Moore prayed with us today. It is amazing and really captures the beauty of walking with the Lord God Almighty. Please read these words and absorb the impact of the meaning:

A Healing Captive

O, God, Who frees the captive
Do not liberate this carnal slave for freedom's sake
For I will surely wing my flight to another thorny land.
Break, instead, each evil bond
And rub my swollen wrists,
Then take me prisoner to Your will
Enslaved in Your safekeeping.
O, God, Who ushers light into the darkness,
Do not release me to the light
To only see myself.
Cast the light of my liberation upon your face
And be Thou my vision.
Do not hand me over
To the quest of greater knowledge.
Make your Word a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
And lead me to Your dwelling.

O, God, Who lifts the grieving head,
Blow away the ashes
But let Your gentle hand upon my brow
Be my only crown of beauty.
Comfort me so deeply,
My Healer,
That I seek no other comfort.

O, God, Who loves the human soul
Too much to let it go,
So thoroughly impose Yourself
Into the heaps and depths of my life
That nothing remains undisturbed.
Plow this life, Lord,
Until everything You overturn
Becomes fertile soil,
Then plant me, O God
in the vast plain of Your love.
Grow me, strengthen me,
And do not lift Your pressing hand
Until it can boastfully unveil
A display of Your splendor.

In God's liberating name, the way, the truth, and the life... AMEN!

A New Life...

Well, it looks like our little family is going to be a little bit bigger in September. We are overjoyed! We continue to pray that the Lord will keep our newest addition safe and healthy while he or she forms and grows strong enough to face the outside world. This pregnancy has been easier and yet harder for me in many ways. The "morning sickness" seemed to be worse at night instead of all day. I actually only lost my stomach contents about, oh a dozen times now... As with my other pregnancies, I have been utterly exhausted (which is why there has been no activity on my blog). I have struggled to keep up with my 2 and 4 year olds, as their energy is endless. My biggest challenge? I have had much more time to fixate on this pregnancy than my past two since I am no longer working full time. I have discovered that for me to fixate on something is not a good thing. It seems my anxiety about the health of this pregnancy has been far more exacerbated than when I just didn't have time or when I was too sick to think about it... I am learning (sometimes the hard way) to have faith that our Lord is a loving Lord and that He is in control and will ensure the best (the hard part to swallow is that I know sometimes His best doesn't seem like the best for me at the time). My prideful, stubborn nature seems to flirt with me eluding that I am in control and can fix any situation. How wrong I am! How hard it is for me to say that! Needless to say, I have been incredibly blessed in my life and I have an amazing family. I will continue to work on trusting and believing God. I have mentioned before that I am experiencing an amazing Bible study by Beth Moore. I hope to verbalize more of what I am learning here soon. It has been difficult for me to keep up with the study over the last few months, but thankfully I can catch up when my energy returns fully.

I look forward to warmer weather, a bigger belly, renewed energy, and more blogging...

Reconnecting...

Wow, it's been a while since I last added to my blog! I am amazed at how quickly time goes by. Our children are now 4 and 2 years old. Christmas and both birthdays went so well. Blessings continue to surround us. We enjoyed a fantastic visit from my sister-in-law and her beautiful family shortly after Christmas. It was so nice to see the cousins all playing together.

As January 2008 comes to a close, Gentry will celebrate his 34th birthday. He is becoming the spiritual leader of our home. His leadership is welcomed and our family is thriving.

I pray that Christ continues to work in our lives as we inhale His word. May the changes we are experiencing be evident on our exterior as well as our interior.

This Spring I am participating in another Bible study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free. I intend to share what I learn and experience. I anticipate amazing lessons and self-reflection.

I hope you continue to join me in my journey...